As I begin to consider leaving middle age for "senior citizen" land, I can't help but think about life as a single woman (which I have always been, though certainly not by choice). Most of the time, I can stay busy with friends and family, and I try not to think about the fact that I don't have anyone to cuddle up with at night. (Miniature schnauzers notwithstanding).
There are two days of the year, however, when being single hits me in the face and calls me a loser: Valentine's Day and New Year's Eve.
I have actually been in a room with thirty or forty other people on New Year's Eve, enjoying visiting with people and having a reasonably good time until midnight. At that point, everyone kisses their partner.
Except the very few of us who have to stand around awkwardly, pretending we are so so happy for everyone else and don't mind being alone. So the evening that normally would have left this party-loving extrovert really happy turns into another day to feel like I really belong in some other universe, Inevitably, I go home feeling just a little bit empty.
Valentine's Day is the worst day to be single. I try very hard to observe the holiday by giving funny kid valentines to my friends and family, allowing myself to eat a little chocolate, and sometimes even distributing flowers to friends. As a skin care/make up consultant, I also do a little more business than usual, so that's certainly something to celebrate.
But I have also sat in an office watching literally EVERY other woman there get a bouquet of flowers. That wasn't the worst; I can be happy for other people. The worst is the surreptitious (and sometimes overt) pitying looks from the other gals when they look at my empty desk.
Good post Polly. I can relate so much to this because I did not have a partner per se until I graduated.
ReplyDeleteYou'll find while you blog that others can related to what you're writing and help you to feel not so alone.
Glad you started! Keep on writing.
too true though family gatherings where everyone else is part of a pair can be a bit stressful too.
ReplyDeleteokay, Polly - you asked for it. While I agree those are 2 tough days to make it alone - allow me to offer another perspective. I was married for 33 years, only to find myself in my mid 50's - single. Now, that was something to get through. Seven years later, I am the ABSOLUTE most happy I have ever been in my life. In fact, I am really evaluating whether I want to 'do' the partnership ever again. I am happy not co-habitating - for now at least. Now, I am fortunate enough to have a 'special' friend ('nuff said) and that does partially make up for combating the perpetual lonely toadies that creep into many evenings. I will plan to follow your blog. Good job for taking the initiative to start one. J.Paluch
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